Written by: Olivera Tolimir, Milica Bokšan
Congratulations, you got invited to a Serbian wedding for the first time! We can tell you that you’re up to a great night (and day, since Serbian weddings can start quite early)!
But what do we hear? You’re confused about the concept of a Serbian wedding and don’t know what to expect? Oh, you can expect all kinds of stuff, that’s for sure.
Serbian weddings vary substantially depending on the region. Since the Northern part of Serbia (Vojvodina) is famous for its multiethnicity, you can expect mixed customs and a wedding with fewer old Serbian traditions. In Southern parts of Serbia, brides and grooms usually care more about performing typical Serbian ceremonies.
To not feel left out while everyone’s having great fun (and you have no idea what’s happening), check out these 12 Serbian wedding traditions!
Two Separate Gatherings
Most Serbian weddings start with one gathering at the groom’s house and another at the bride’s.
Serbian weddings are usually large-scale (it’s common to have more than 200 guests). So, before the ceremony and the meeting at the restaurant, the bride and groom invite the closest people to their childhood homes.
These gatherings start around noon or sometimes even in the early morning. This is a warm-up for the ceremony and the party that will follow.
The bride’s guests, usually sisters, close relatives and best friends, gather in the bride’s room. They help her in the final preparations before the wedding. During that time, the rest of the wedding guests, usually the male part, are in another room, or if the weather is nice, in the yard where they toast and enjoy a snack.
In the second house, where the groom lived, there is no mutual beautification, but toast and snacks must not be left out.
And yes, the music starts here, welcoming the guests as soon as they step foot through the door. Not infrequently, Serbian kolo is also played as an indispensable part of every Serbian wedding, but more on that below.
The Serbian Wedding Procession
It’s time for the guests of these two families to meet at the same place. The whole entourage headed by the groom and the best man leave the groom’s house and head towards the bride’s house.
This procession, depending on the number of guests, consists of a larger or smaller number of cars, and all cars are decorated with bows and decorations, usually white. The famous Serbian tricolor flag will fly from at least one car in the procession.
This is a cheerful column of cars, similar to a parade, where everyone honks their horns for everyone around them to hear. It is not uncommon for people who live nearby to come out into the street to watch this procession and even wave or clap.
Shooting the Apple
This is an old Serbian custom according to which a groom must shoot down an apple that’s hanging from the roof or tree when coming to pick up the bride. He’s not allowed to pick her up until he does it because this way, he shows his skillfulness and determination to protect his future family.
Today, this custom is rarely practiced for safety reasons, but even if it is practiced, the bullets used are blanks.
Picking up the Bride / “Buying” the Bride
When the guests have arrived, there is an old Serbian custom known as Kupovina mlade (= Buying the Bride).
Before you become appalled and reject the invitation, don’t worry – no one is buying another human being.
Yes, once it was about buying the bride. It was expected for the groom’s brother to bargain with the dever (= groom’s brother). Once they’d agreed to the price, the bride would step out of her parents’ house, ready to get married.
King Aleksandar Karadjordjevic brought the law in 1864 to forbid this custom because, as he explained, it went against human dignity.
Today, picking up the bride is the process of merging the two mentioned parties. The groom and his closest family, friends, and dever wait for the bride to show up in front of her house.
This tradition is a fun outsmarting between the bride’s and groom’s brothers, or uncles. Usually, the groom’s party would bring candy, fake money, or something similar. And if the bride’s side is not satisfied with the amount of candy, they sometimes bring out a man or another woman with a veil (or a curtain). Then, they pretend to try to pass them off as the bride. It’s the moment when everyone bursts out laughing. When the real bride comes out, it’s usually a very emotional moment for her, the groom, and their parents.
This is followed by applause, and everyone sings and dances together.
Church and Civil Wedding
After the guests gather, they all proceed to the church where the church wedding ceremony is held. The church location is specified on the invitation that all the guests received. Occasionally, the church wedding may be scheduled for a different day, and in such cases, this information will not be included in the invitation.
This ceremony is very solemn and important for the newlyweds and all family members. In the church, newlyweds vow their eternal love before God, and the priest marries them.
When the ceremony is over, the guests leave the church, and the newlyweds leave last, where they are once again greeted by applause and congratulations.
A civil wedding may take place in the city municipality (that’s why it is crucial to follow the instructions on the invitations), and most often, in the very hall of the restaurant where the celebration continues.
The newlyweds are married by the registrar and then together with the godfathers who represent the witnesses, they sign the marriage register.
This is a very short ceremony, so make sure you don’t miss it!
The Roles of Best Man & Maid of Honor
Best man and maid of honor hold great significance in Serbian tradition. Interestingly, we use the same word for a godfather and best man, as well as for a maid of honor and a godmother. Also, bridesmaids and groomsmen aren’t a part of a Serbian wedding.
Best man and maid of honor aren’t crucial for legal reasons only (you can’t marry without two witnesses).
At a Serbian wedding, these two roles are reserved for the closest friends. It’s a way of accepting your friends into the family, so we don’t choose our brothers, sisters, or cousins for these roles.
We like to say: Bog je na nebu, na zemlji kum. It means that God is in the sky, and the godfather is on land.
Attaching Corsages
Another tradition you’re likely to see at a Serbian wedding is attaching corsages. If you’re invited to the bride’s house before the ceremony, you’ll see one or two young girls with two baskets next to them standing at the door. If you don’t go to the bride’s house, you’ll spot them at the restaurant’s entrance later. In one basket, you’ll notice a bunch of corsages, and in the other, money.
In the past, only rosemary was used for decoration with a small ribbon in the colors of the Serbian flag. Today it can be bows, flowers or similar. Only the best men and the maid of honor have a slightly different and larger decoration than the rest of the guests.
As soon as you enter the door, one of the girls will put a corsage on your wrist (if you’re a woman) or on your jacket (if you’re a man). In return, you’re supposed to put some money in their basket. The corsage girls should be the bride’s younger, unmarried cousins or friends.
It should be a symbolic amount of money, for example, 200 dinars (around two dollars). The girls pinning the corsages later share the collected money. So, if you’d like to make them happy, you’re free to put more money in the basket.
The closer you are to the couple, the more money you should put in the basket (of course, no one will check, but that’s how it usually works).
“Thank you” Gifts for Guests
It is not mandatory, but often there is a gift for the guests next to each plate. With this small gesture, the newlyweds express their gratitude to their guests.
That gift is mostly something symbolic like nicely wrapped candies, or honey, and often as a gift you can also find rakija, a traditional Serbian drink.
The First Dance
So, now you’re at the restaurant where the party’s starting!
Don’t be surprised if the happy couple isn’t there yet. After the church and/or civil wedding(s), guests often go straight to the restaurant, find their seat (there will be a chart with enumerated tables and guests’ names at the entrance), order a drink and relax while enjoying the music.
The couple often decides to take their wedding photoshoot while the guests gather.
When they arrive at the restaurant, someone will announce them, and they’ll have their first dance (if they already had the civil wedding at the city hall), or have a wedding ceremony there, and dance afterwards. The guests stand up and applaud while the newlyweds enter.
The first dance is what marks the beginning of the party. While the newlyweds are dancing to a song that usually has a meaning to them, smoke effects, fireworks or the like often appear on the stage to make the whole event even more magnificent.
Today, more and more often, the traditional dance is followed by a faster dance or the newlyweds even have a whole choreography that delights everyone present.
At one point, they turn to the guests and invite them to join them on the dance floor, so depending on the music, the space becomes either a dance hall or a disco (or both).
Photos at the Serbian Wedding
After the first dance, comes the least interesting part of every Serbian wedding: taking photos with the happy couple. We all want those photos, but it takes standing in line for some time or chilling around while the crowd clears.
The newlyweds stand in front of the specially decorated part of the hall and pose for nearly an hour and a half depending on the number of guests. It’s exhausting, but what can you do?
A few hours later, guests can buy those pictures right at the wedding (to be honest, they’re 20 times more expensive than regular photos, but everyone buys them because they want a special memory from the wedding).
This is also the moment to congratulate the newlyweds and leave a card with money in a specially decorated box located somewhere nearby.
The Party & the Inevitable Kolo
When the photo shoot is over, the party continues in a much more lively manner. It usually looks like you don’t know if you’d rather be dancing, eating or toasting.
Joking aside, Serbian weddings are known for delicious dishes and the table consists of starters, soup, sarma, roast and salad and finally cake. Cakes are just a special experience, because in addition to the wedding cake, there are also cakes ordered by the guests, so the wedding hall at one moment starts looking like a pastry shop.
Between meals, the podium is open all the time for dancing and a mandatory užičko kolo. This is one of those dances where you get the impression that it will never end because the whole track goes on for quite a long time and only the most resilient play the lead song to the end.
Then they continue to alternate songs of various genres, and sometimes songs can be ordered as desired. It already depends on the newlyweds’ agreement with the band.
Modern Serbian weddings end by midnight or even continue into the morning hours.
What to Bring to the Serbian Wedding
You should know that at Serbian weddings, the expected gift is in the form of a card with best wishes and money in it.
The amount depends on your relationship with the bride and groom, but it should at least cover your stolica (= chair, seat). This means what they paid to the restaurant for the food and drinks, which are between 50 and 70 euros per person.
People very rarely buy presents nowadays. At the restaurant, you can eat and drink as much as you want. The bride and groom always cover that part, so you’re not supposed to spend money on anything except on the gift for the newlyweds and a symbolic amount for a corsage girl.
Bonus advice: What to wear to a Serbian wedding
The answer is: it really depends on the bride and groom. The best thing to do is ask them directly. If you don’t want to bother them, it’s probably safest to avoid the following colors:
- White or beige
The bride will wear white, so any color close to white shouldn’t be an option for women! A beige suit is fine for men. - Black
Black is traditionally worn to Serbian funerals, so it’s not the best choice for women at a wedding. For men, however, it’s a common and acceptable color. - Too bright colors
Avoid excessively bright or flashy colors that could draw too much attention, especially in photos, and take the spotlight away from the happy couple.
If you’ve made it this far…
… you’ll make it to the Serbian wedding!
We’re just kidding, but really, Serbian weddings do require a lot of energy. They are full of events and we suggest you get a good rest before going on one of them.
If you would like to learn more about Serbian customs or start learning Serbian to better understand everything that happens at a wedding, check out our Serbian Pre-Intermediate (A2.1) self-study course! We cover this topic extensively through different dialogues, texts and audios.
We guarantee you one thing – you will definitely take a lot of memories with you.
